chuck norris facts


1. Chuck Norris does not swim In oceans, he once went to burst some thugs in Mombasa at the Kenyan coast and decided, as he waited for the thugs to arm themselves well and to think of the best strategies to use against chuck Norris, to have a swim for he had a little sweat having sprinted all the way from Britain where he had gone to impregnate queen Elizabeth so that England could get a worthy ruler and the moment he jumped into the Indian ocean, the results were catastrophic for all the oceans of the world are salty to this very day.
2. Contrary to popular beliefs, obama is not the son of a Kenyan polygamist, obama is in fact one of the few millions of the chuck Norris illegitimate children born to him around the world without chuck Norris ever knowing about it, you see, whenever a lady fantasize about having sex with the chuck Norris, if it is the right time of the month, those ladies get pregnant and this was the case with obama’s mothers as she recorded in her recently publicized diary, her hero was chuck Norris and she always fantasized about him day and night. Anyone with average eyes can notice the striking resemblance between obama and chuck Norris. The good news about this is you could be the child of chuck Norris and the bad news is all your children were possibly fathered by chuck Norris and a little dampener the good news is that chuck Norris will never acknowledge as his child and you are thus a bastard


3. Chuck Norris blood is colourless as it is comprised of twenty six millions different type of cell all of different colours, it was chuck Norris who did the analysis after the government came together and begged him to do so in a desperate attempt to find the cure for aids, cancer and other fatal diseases, turned out that in fact chuck Norris blood could cure all the disease known to humans and that affect humans but chuck Norris said that his blood could not be used on any tom, harry, dick, Susan and Mary but on only the deserving cases such as human who had shown exemplary skills and dedication in their various fields. On 12th July 1986, nelson Mandela was given a drop of this blood and the results were amazing, pope john Paul declined to take when he got Alzheimer’s disease unless chuck Norris converted to catholic, chuck Norris said he would think about it but as he was thinking about it the pope died.


4. Chuck Norris does not share his birthday with anyone else in the world like those born on leap year, chuck Norris was born on trip year and this year has never occurred again in the universe.

5. Chuck Norris does not wear sunglasses to shield his eyes from the glaring lays of the sun, the sun just dim itself whenever chuck Norris look at it to suit him which is still blinding for any other human

6. Chuck Norris has been to hell and back, he can show you vouchers

7. Chuck Norris left eye see 360 degrees while as the other eyes see all the waves of the light and any microscopic element, chuck Norris discovered the atom and came up with the formula e=mc2 but he gave the credit to Einstein because he was his baddy back in the days

8. Chuck Norris movies are not acted, they are real staff from real life, walker Texas Ranger was all filmed by cnn after they offered chuck Norris a position in their firm as the president.

9. Chuck Norris is the president of the world but does he say it?

10. Alexander the great was chuck Norris second child after he was seduced by Cleopatra into having sex with one of her maids because Cleopatra could not bear the thought of having sex with chuck Norris having witness what happened to those who had sex with chuck Norris, you see, if a woman watch chuck Norris touching another woman, that woman get multiple organism, you can then imagine what happen when a woman actually has sex with chuck Norris. Cleopatra could not rule with when having a perpetual orgasm and tat is why she preferred to watch chuck Norris having sex with her maids

11. The methods of the chuck Norris roundhouse kick are studied in all the university of the civilized and it is a compulsory subject for all the engineering students.

12. Chuck Norris never get angry, he get chemically saturated

13. Chuck Norris invented science and all of the languages used in the western world, Africa Asia and as a result

14. Chuck Norris can speak all the languages of the world like a native including but not limited to Kiswahili and other African dialects such as kikuyu, kijaluo, kimaasai.

15. Although chuck Norris tears can cure cancer but they have never done so since he has never cried, it is possibly a good thing that he has never cried since if one drop of his tear were to vaporize and mix with the air, the air of the area within up to sixteen thousand miles would be noxious to humans for thousands of years and would only be safe to chuck Norris

16. Chuck Norris and his wife divorced because he can’t sleep and his wife could not bear it anymore
17. Superman, aqua man, Spiderman, batman, Sheldon cooper, Lenard, the fantastic four, harry potter, Hermione granger, Ron, Dumbledore, snape, jet lee, Jackie chan, frodo, Gandalf, the famous five, Stephen king, j.k rowling, Fernando torres, steven gerrard, christano ronaldo, messi, Michael Jackson, Samuel wanjiru, Britney spears, avril lavign, 2pac…the list could go on forever but guess what all these people have in common… you are right, they are all some of the famous children of chuck Norris.

18. Chuck Norris invented the computer

19. Chuck Norris know for a fact how many planets there are, he knows how many of those planet have life and he know the easiest way to get to each without using the rockets, which he invented by the way, he is just waiting for the humans to mature so that he can give them the technology

20. Chuck Norris can of cause stop all the wars of the world with his roundhouse kicks and a machinegun calubustor but that would be interfering with humans fan and psychological development

21. If chuck Norris were to have sex with you, you would still remain a virgin
22. chuck norris sleep between decades, they are his day and night
thanks for reading. have fan and good times

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3 Responses to chuck norris facts

  1. 10 pack abs says:

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    • Peter Dominic Maina says:

      I have read your story and I have enjoyed it; you r among the Kenyans that Kenya wants. Cheers men.

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